You think you know someone; but do you ever really even come close to knowing them. People are complicated. We wear masks. If I were to say that it is a single layer, i would be kidding. We wear a myriad of masks. Some of these masks go so deep into our souls that in the pursuit of hiding who we really are from everyone around, we end up fooling ourselves the most.

I have tried removing the masks and living like me. Oh yes!! I did that. And I feel that they were the only 28 days of my life that I truly lived at all. If I were to put all the days of my life on one side of a balance and just those few days on the other side, the balance would tip in favor of the latter! But, being vulnerable enough to live mask free comes with a price. And a HUGE one at that. A price I am still paying.

Because without armor, without protective suits we are injured the worst.

Saudade

It begins as just another dream, feeble like a wisp of smoke; unreal and idyllic. But isn't that how all dreams start, in the deepest wallows of our hearts, which is home to the strongest, most carnal desires. And the wisps of smoke continue to rise, seeping their way into the strong barriers our hearts have constructed over time; to protect us from emotional trauma. A survival instinct on our behalf.

Often, we are so hurt by those we love, that we tend to turn bitter and angry; forgetting that the bitterness eats our own soul from within. Our hearts turn numb and cold. It is at times like these that we must seek forgiveness from those that we may have unintentionally wronged. Forgiving others and also more importantly forgiving ourselves leads to inner peace. Our grief is just love that has no place to go. Stay grateful and look for the silver lining in bleak situations, remaining cognizant of the fact that it is during challenging times that we grow the most emotionally. Keep your heart in the right place and watch it blossom.

Musings on Love

I have always believed that love is an art of letting go. It's knowing that you're hurting, when your breath is hitching in your chest, your stomach has a permanent knot in it and your heart is weighing you down and beating erratically, completely out of sync with the rest of your body but you still choose to let go of everything with grace. One has to understand the difference between attachment and love; two terms that are quite different but are often confused. Love should be about caring for the other persons happiness and putting their wants before ones own. It is about wishing that the other person gets in life what he/she wants, what makes them happy and what brings them fulfillment; knowing in your heart that it might mean that you may never come in the picture. It's not about bringing your own ego or your wants on the table. 

The thing is that we have no control over someones feelings; just like we can't control ours. And we can choose to overflow the other persons cup with love, care, respect and all that we can afford to give but it might never be enough for them because they don't value what you're giving or feel the same way towards you. Humans are wired weirdly that way. One person may give us everything and it wont matter to us as much as a single smile from a person that we care about. Love isn't supposed to be selfish. If our love depends on our expectations being met or comes with the entitlement of reciprocity from the other person, then we need to stand back and evaluate what we're feeling. Don't get me wrong, committing to a person and sharing a relationship does come with its fair share of expectations and responsibilities, just like any agreement in life does, but love by it self does not carry such expectations. 

The truth, however is that even if you know this in your heart, it still takes enormous amounts of effort and strength to stand back and convince your heart to let go. It takes effort to love with no expectations in return, apart from the hope that he/she gets the most beautiful things in life. It sucks the life out of your soul, which takes quite a beating but it is the right way to go. 

Came across this quote somewhere and it really struck a chord.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

You back off!
Build up your walls!

You make a cocoon of safety in your own mind to reside in, for you desperately need it. For once, you have to be self centered and reflect on things that bring you peace or those that do not. And slowly and gradually, you need to pluck them off. The ones that kept scratching at your half healed wounds so that they kept oozing despite your frantic efforts to heal them. It is gut wrenchingly hard to walk away especially from those who were once immensely significant. But for the sake of gaining something, sometimes it is equally important to let somethings go.

Disclaimer: This is just a long rant. Proceed at your own risk.

Some things are never said. Some topics never breached. Yet, they exist in your soul like the very air you breathe in. You hold them close to you, even if they hurt, you still hug those memories. Because, in the delicate threads of those moments lies a part of you. A part that was changed forever. A part that is changed for good.

Very rarely in our lives, do we come across people who influence us so much that they change the very fabric of our being. And, I believe even if the process of change is painful in itself, it is something that's always positive. It's something that is part of our growth.

But what about when you can't get closure from a certain situation. What if it keeps chipping away at your peace over and over again until you feel suffocated in your own body. You feel that you'd only breathe if you could transverse the realm of your own flesh and when your body feels like a prison in itself because you're choking on your breaths and your heart is the very thing that is weighing you down. It's almost been 9 months. Nine long and arduous months since my mind is going in circles and I can't get out of this.

I never opted for this. I didn't plan this. In my long list of things I had jotted out for myself, this didn't exist. But it happened, and it happened so loudly that it shook me to my very core. I have cried and I have prayed but I see no relief. Sometimes, I feel it's better to just say everything and clarify any confusions. But, in a world where we have developed these unspoken rules of what's acceptable and what's not, I feel this would border on inappropriate for some people. And, thus in the very fear of saying the wrong things, we lose people and we lose moments, just trying to uphold our imaginary self importance and giving up on our chance at happiness in the process.

Peace out!!

(Came Across This Today)

“The world is but an illusion, a paradise for a fool.”

Goodbyes...

That last gaze! For a fleeting second, time seems to halt. You’re looking at your loved ones leaving you again. Staring intently, as if you will never get to see them again. Taking in the scene. Wishing the time would stop. And then it comes to you, the little swelling at the bottom of your throat. Something wells up leaving you gasping for air. It hurts when you breathe though. And, no matter how hard you try that swelling keeps moving upwards and you pinch yourself hard, trying not to lose it. You have to be strong. Strong for your mother. But the pain wouldnt stop! It overwhelms you and that first tear escapes your eyes followed by an endless stream. Flowing down your cheeks, leaving your face blotched. You tried! And youre angry at yourself for not keeping it together once again. The security guard approves the ticket and your brother-after a last look- goes inside those departure gates. You look at your mum and she stares right back at you. Hes gone again. May Allah be with him.

BEAUTY

We are all a little broken inside, and if you can’t see the beauty in our imperfections, it will be sad. A newborn baby is perfect. In those initial few days out of the mothers womb, he/she is complete. But as we age, cracks form. Like the age old architecture and primitive buildings that gain their beauty and value with time, no matter how rusty they get; A human soul also gains its beauty in the imperfections that lead to our diversity.

‘Stereotypes kill'

She was murdered in cold blood. Volumes of scarlet liquid gushed out of its petite abode, nourishing the parched earth. The carmine snake sequined dress that draped her tender silhouette spoke of its late owner’s radiant splendor. The scars and bruises on her body screamed loudly of the torturous death that the victim had endured. Her only fault, she had always believed, was being a woman!

The kitchen knife slipped from his bloody grasp and fell on the floor with a loud clank. He was scared. Every tick of the passing second, seemed to be informing him of the impending doom. She had gashed his left cheek and it oozed steadily now. The loss of blood unsteadied him for a while, until he retained his balance. Before the realization of the intensity of his vice could dawn upon him, he swiftly dragged Tanya’s limp body across the yard to bury it.

His late wife had served him well, he thought!

Right after their wedding, Tanya had earnestly prayed for a boy. Her prayers had gone unanswered three times in a row. She had been blessed with three wonderful daughters. It was her fourth time expecting a child and Anwar’s haughty temperament told her that he was in no way ready to accept another girl. ‘Baitay baap ki izzat aur taqat hotay hain, aur baitian bezati aur kamzori’, he always said. (Boys are a source of respect and power for the father while girls bring disgrace and weakness). She didn’t think so. Aalya, Anaya and Anushay meant the world to her. However, she was extremely frightened of Anwar’s rage and resentment.

On the birth of their fourth daughter, he couldn’t take the ignominy anymore and so buried the baby alive! It was the first time since their wedding when Tanya had ever fought back.  She didn’t have to die, Anwar thought. ‘She had forced me to kill her by being so impudent. How dare she question my acts?’ Anyhow, he was a man and he had learnt from his forefathers that men had the right to do as they please with their women. He could always remarry. Not resenting a thing, he left his house sending one last glance towards the three tiny shadows hidden behind the door.

Tanya, like many others, had been a victim of the stereotypes and discrimination of the society. 

~Random Feelings

You know those dreamy nights, when everything seems surreal. The times when the boundary between reality and dreams becomes so hazy that the two seem as one. That is the time, when I get scared. Why? 

Because it seems that these delicate moments would slip away from my fingers, leaving my physical self in an everlasting torrent of screeches, heart breaks, agony and dejection! - As Shakespeare said,We are such stuffAs dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep…

Lets Dance, Shall We?

Lets Dance, Shall we?

For all those words that were said.

And all the moments that we spent.

Immersing ourselves in this hazy veil

pretending that our success is indeed at bay

For that is what stops us from going astray

Wandering off in search of the supposed abyss

Let us dance for the starry sky

for moments spent playing with our ever gay friends

To all those times when we fought and prayed

that we would never get to see each other again

Lets thank our Lord for never granting that wish

or we'd be living in solitude till today.

My Little Bundle Of Joy!

FOR THE LOVE OF COFFEE AND CHOCOLATE THAT ACCOMPANIES US ON FREEZING DAYS!<3

Obsession arrives and says:
‘Your fate now belongs to me. I will make you look for things that do not exist.
‘From now on, your heart will know no peace, because I will drive out enthusiasm and take its place.
‘I will allow fear to spread throughout the world, and you will always feel afraid, but without knowing why.
‘You don’t need to know, you just need to stay afraid.
‘Work harder, then you won’t have to think. Work harder than you need to, so that you can stop living altogether.
‘Your Love, which was once a manifestation of the Divine Energy, belongs to me too.
‘And the person you love will be unable to leave your side for a moment, because I am there in your heart saying:
“Careful, she might go away and never come back.”
‘Your son, who once would have followed his own path in the world, will now be mine as well.
‘I will have you surround him with unnecessary worries that destroy his taste for adventure and risk,
‘that make him suffer whenever he displeases you and leave him feeling guilty because he has failed to live up to your expectations.’
Never let Obsession control you.
If it comes too close, say: ‘I’m not worried about tomorrow, because God is there already, waiting for me.’
If it tries to persuade you that taking on lots of jobs means having a productive life, say:
‘I need to look at the stars in order to feel inspired and to be able to do my job well.’
If it threatens you with the ghost of hunger, say:
‘I do not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’

-Coelho <3

Randomness

“Formerly, when I would feel a desire to understand someone, or myself, I would take into consideration not actions, in which everything is relative, but wishes. Tell me what you want and I'll tell you who you are.” 

Seven Minutes Of Terror

And so our new rover 'curiosity' finally makes it to the martian surface. Cheers for NASA and all those who worked hard to make this feat possible.

Our Youth-A blessing or a Curse

In a country, where 63% of the total population is concentrated below the age of twenty five years, formulation of political policies that support the youth are in one word-essential! The proportion of younger generation in the country is at its peak. While this would generally be something positive for any other country because it would mean that there would be presence of a larger working class; for a developing country like ours the situation is quite alarming.
Due to the slow economic growth coupled with inefficient political policies on behalf of the government for the future of our youth, Pakistan now faces another major concern. We do not have enough employment opportunities for our massive younger generation. In November 2009, the New York Times (NYT) while citing a report, commissioned by the British Council, wrote that “Pakistan will face a ‘demographic disaster’ if it does not address the needs of its young generation, the largest in country’s history, whose views reflect a deep disillusionment with the government and democracy.” Even though, this change in the country’s demographics can serve as a ‘demographic gift, ’in the form of a surge in the relative size of the working-age population and the youth within the working-age population for Pakistan, mismanagement on government’s behalf can turn this blessing into a disaster. Unemployment along with inflation, corruption and lack of power and gas facilities can force this huge population to exhort to extreme measures resulting in an overall increase in the countries unrest. Unemployment is not only an issue for the uneducated lot but also for many educated people. There is a huge pressure in the job market as there are lesser employment opportunities and greater number of graduates. Also, an inability to find employment for long period creates a sense of vulnerability, uselessness and idleness among young people and can heighten the attraction of engaging in illegal activities. There is also a proven link between youth unemployment and social exclusion. In both rural and urban areas, young people who complete education and are from socioeconomically advantaged backgrounds are likely to make the transition to work more smoothly, while the economically disadvantaged and socially excluded may face greater difficulties. Furthermore, employability of Pakistani youth in decent livelihood activities is also not very promising. Very few opportunities exist in the formal sector, which has been shirking for some time, for educated youth. Given this situation, the informal sector stands as a leading absorber of the labor force in the country. However, socio-cultural factors exert a strong influence on individuals' career choices in Pakistan. There are powerful norms around what economic roles an individual can or cannot perform based on his or her wealth, education, caste and gender. By and large, our society is averse to manual work and jobs involving "sweat and grease" are considered undesirable. Such perceptions are particularly strong among the relatively wealthy and educated, who prefer "clean jobs" (desk-based, clerical, supervisory or administrative positions). It has often been observed that the educated can remain voluntarily jobless for long periods of time in their search for the right form of employment. Thus, this further complicates the issue of unemployment in the country.
This youth potential if properly harnessed can bring a socio-economic revolution in Pakistan. All over the world youth is being given prime importance in future policy making due to rapidly evolving knowledge base; new and emerging technologies; ever growing potential of social and economic networking in modern times; and livelihood challenges .Thus, proper and timely management by the government can turn this ‘nightmare on the street’ to prosperity.